Child Care 101: How-To Not Screw Up Baby

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My husband and I have never been big on how-to books, following directions or manuals very well - that's probably why our furniture keeps falling apart. However, slowly but surely, friends and family have started building a how-to library for us: from baby emergency manuals to the how-tos of breastfeeding to raising the happiest kid on the block and father survival guides.
With our baby arriving this week, we appreciate all the advice we can get, of course, especially the no BS variety that doesn't require an M.D. or Ph.D. Actually, something straight to the point from any M.O.M. or D.A.D will do just fine. Here are a couple of questions that come to mind which we would like answered:
  • What's the fastest way to clean up baby's (fill in the blank)?
  • How do you nicely say to strangers, "Mind your own business," when they say something about your kid?

Actually, we'd love to know:

 If you were to write a parenting book, what would you call it?

I just asked my sister and she said, "Unprepared." We have yet to earn the M.O.M. and D.A.D degrees yet, so our imaginary book is still to be written. But here's how we plan to NOT screw up your life, "Sweet Child O'____." Our thanks to a little Rockabye lullaby inspiration: I promise to hold you "Close To Me." When you're "Cryin'," "I'll Be There for You." You will be encouraged to "Express Yourself." I will always give you the "Best of My Love." And "Every Breath You Take" we will treasure.  Yeah, this kid already has us wrapped around his/her fingers. Just call us, "suckers." Teena  

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