Bad Mommy Day

Posted by 33 on

It's almost 1 am as I write this. My friends ask me why I don't sleep when my baby sleeps, as that's definitely one of the top pieces of advice any parent will tell you. But, really, when else do you have time to do anything other than when baby is sleeping? I'd love to be in slumberland with my little girl right now, but I'm overcome with guilty feelings at the moment. Today was not an awesome parent day for me. I had a "bad mommy" day. It's so crazy how one day you can feel on top of the world, like you're the best parent there ever was and the next day, even the next hour, you have that "Oh, sh*t, I can't believe I let that happen to my kid" moment. And you stop and wonder if you can protect your child from anything. Need I share what this first-time mommy blundered on? Let's just say I turned away from my baby for one second and baby went "boom." Sound familiar? I'm playing today's incident in my head over and over again, and it brings back memories of every other "bad mommy" time I've had since my baby was born. This is what mommy does, baby, while you sleep...obsess. Parents I know who have more than one kid tell me that this anxiety is typical of first-time parents or parents with just one child. Well, as a second child, I hope that I don't disregard each bump and bruise should I have another. (Sorry, baby D, but I'll be spoiling the heck out of the second kid.) I think with each physical or emotional "boom"-and hopefully they aren't too often!-I treasure life a little more, not just hers. I become more aware of what happens around me and I think that heightened awareness is good for me as a person. And, when baby hurts, I hurt, and I hate the thought that with another child, (or another, or another) I would hurt less with each. Because that's love...love hurts, but it also feels pretty darn good. How do you get over your bad mommy or bad daddy days? On days that you or your baby hurts, sweet lullabies can help with the healing process.

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